Crawlspace (1986)

Crawlspace

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Didn't Like It)

Netflix Synopsis: Karl Gunther spends his downtime stalking his boarding house's female tenants from hidden passages and carrying out kinky, sadistic experiments

The Peeps:  David Schmoeller (writer, director); Klaus Kinski, Talia Balsam

Quick Run Down:  Slightly Atmospheric, Tries to Be Clever But Isn't, Mostly Dull

Worth the Watch?:  Unfortunately, No

Dr. Karl Gunther (Klaus Kinski) is a sadistic, stalking, sociopathic, son of a Nazi surgeon (say that six times swiftly!) that runs an apartment complex occupied by only woman.  After killing one of the tenants off, he has a vacancy.  Time to search for another victim!  Enter Lori (Talia Balsam).  She takes a room, and, soon, we are seeing Gunther crawl around in the air ducts of the complex and spy on all of his tenants through vents in the walls.  Gunther can't take the temptation for too long, though - the urge to kill is strong in this one.  Start the savagery!

I was really hoping Crawlspace would be a good movie.  I recently watched a clip of Tourist Trap, a 1979 slasher flick directed by David Schmoeller (who wrote and directed Crawlspace also) and really enjoyed it.  I immediately went to Netflix to see what I could find of the director's, and, sure, enough - this film popped up.  Unfortunately, it's not very good.  The '80's brought us some great horror keepers, but time has proved itself executioner to some of them.  This film is one such victim. 

While the premise lays grounds for some really cool things to transpire, Crawlspace never really hits any notes of tension or terror.  Klaus Kinski is incredibly creepy in the film - with his intense eyes, strange-moving, fat pink lips, and gentle voice, but he alone is not enough to carry a mostly dull and uninteresting story.  Most of the film uses Kinski tapping a knife onto a small, metal, marble-like ball to create a strange noise and handling mice as a means to scare his tenants.  I don't think this sounds scary, and I know it doesn't work in the film.  It just gets annoying and creates questions that shoot plot holes in the flick.  When things do speed up a little, the movie attempts to use tricks and inventions to make Dr. Gunther seem clever and intelligent, but they are mostly uninspired and kind of boring.  This may be an example of the times, as mentioned earlier, but I honestly can't say if it would have worked in the '80's either.  It would have been cool, but it would have been forgettable too.  And, then ... that's pretty much it.  No one dies until about 40 minutes into the film, and then you have a LOT of people die in the last 15 or so.  Thinking about it, now, the film kinda feels like really bad sex...

Oh, and there's a Hitler twist in Kinski's character that might have worked had the filmmaker's seemingly not forgot about it then decided to just throw it back in there, anyway.  It's so drastic that I literally thought Kinski was going to have a twin.  That still wouldn't of made it any better, though.

So, if you're into 80's slasher flicks, you might enjoy this.  Schmoeller pulls off some decent atmosphere at time, and Kinski really is good at being a weirdo.  Overall, though, Crawlspace is mostly dull and fails at its attempts to be clever (80's or not).  If you still wanna check it out, go for it.  It's on Netflix!

"Who's swimming in your bathtub?" 

 



PontyPool (2008)

PontyPool

               

                             ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

                                                                                     (Really Liked It)

Netflix Synopsis:  Valentine's Day is off to a bizarre start for a radio shock-jock when he runs into a crazed woman on his way to work -- and that's only the beginning. Soon, scores of other people in the small Ontario town of Pontypool start acting awfully odd.

The Peeps:  Bruce McDonald (director); Tony Burgess (writer); Stephen McHattie, Lisa Houle

Quick Run Down:  Interesting, Confusing, Commercial Avant-Garde, Fun and Smart  

Worth the Watch?:  If You're Looking For Something Different, Yeah!

PontyPool connects us with Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie), a radio DJ in a small town in Ontario, Canada, after which the film is named.  Mazzy is on his way to work, and, once he arrives, we see that it is a very small radio operation - run out of the basement of a church with only three people, including Mazzy.  Immediately, we are introduced to the provincial day to day Mazzy deals with and how he wants something more and tries to constantly provide and be more for his audience.  The producer, however, Sidney (Lisa Houle), wants him to keep it simple and calm, so Mazzy's forced to remain boring.  All that begins to change, though, when a report comes through that a riot has broken out at a local doctor's office.  Uncomfirmed, Mazzy still goes with the story and starts reporting it, happy to finally get something to chomp down onto for a change.  As weirder and weirder details emerge, strange phone calls and and crazy reports start coming in that pave the way for the bizarre sequence of events that follow!   

To avoid spoilers, I won't get into specifics about the film, but Pontypool is not your typical zombie movie.  It advertises itself as such, and, technically, I guess it is.  Still, it's not your typical zombie flick.  Based on a book by Tony Burgess (Pontypool Changes Everything), the author also penned the script, and you can tell there is something that he is getting at about modern society in the story that he is telling.  Burgess' handles the plot really well, relying strictly on dialogue and character to drive the story.  The humor employed is sometimes so underscored that you're sort of confused on whether to laugh or not.  It can still be incredibly funny, though.  Where the script lacks, however, is in its thematic efforts.  While the story lends itself to a certain metaficional and avant-garde charm, the hinted at overall theme tends to be thin and confusing, allowing one to think it was never fully realized or captured during the filming.  All that aside, the tension of the film really works, and, for me at least, there are some very unique and intriguing elements at play.  First, McHattie's acting is really good.  I felt like his portrayal of Mazzy was inconsistent and misunderstood at times, but he still has a great film presence that makes you want to watch him and see what he'll do.  He's a lot of fun and helps give the film a certain electricity.  Second, the story, though thematically thin and confusing as mentioned, is very unique in its way of being handled.  There's a metafictional undertone to it that makes it intriguing and energetic.  I can't really say much about that without giving stuff away, but I think any one that watches it will find this to be the most enteraining bit of the movie.     

Probably the coolest quality of the film would be its limited production demands.  I'm fascinated by the minimalist approach to making a movie, and, when I see that idea employed, I find myself rooting for the film all the more.  There are mostly just 3 people throughout the entire movie, and there are only two locations (one of which is a car).  There are a few scenes that include several extras, but those scenes number no more than 3 or 4.  These kind of detials really cut down on budget demands, which is key for independent filmmaking.  Surprisingly, though, on doing some research, I found the film is reported at costing $1.5 millon to make, and it barely made a $6,000 return.  Poor marketing is my only thought for the small return, but I'm shocked at the cost of the film.  McHattie must charge a pretty penny for taking on roles because, outside of him, I don't see why anything in this movie should have put it over a $500 grand budget.  You could probably even include equipment in that number, as, with the limited actors and single location, I'm sure it was a quick and relatively easy shoot.  Speaking of equipment, I don't know what the film was shot on, but it looks awesome! 

So, if you want to watch a "zombie" flick that has a very unique story behind the outbreak's origin, wraps up in a very different way than any other zombie flick out there, and carries a certain energy in its quasi-avant-garde, metafictional style, I'd watch Pontypool.  It's a good different for the genre.  Check it out - it's no Netflix*!

 "Do we really want to provide a genocide with elevator music?"

___

*Disclaimer: Netflix is TM and copyrighted; all rights reserved.  Any material used or stemming from the site is theirs, exclusively.  This site is not, in any way, affiliated with Netflix.  It's only a horror hound's effort to help consumers find the best (and worse) horror movies available on the website. Happy watching!

Sand Sharks (2011)



Sand Sharks

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Didn't Like It)

Netflix Synopsis:  In this comedic thriller, an underwater earthquake cracks open a crater deep beneath the ocean's surface, unleashing a prehistoric shark. The terrifying creature soon begins to prey on a group of unsuspecting teens partying at the beach. 

The Peeps:  Mark Atkins (director); Cameron Larson (writer); Corin Nemec, Brooke Hogan

Quick Run Down:  Ridiculous, Dreadful, A Good Laugh-At Film

Worth the Watch?:  If You're Hammered

Sand Sharks follows Jimmy Green (Corin Nemec) and his effort to bring money to his small town home of White Island.  Attempting to set up a big, blowout Spring Break spot for college kids, Jimmy starts to put things in order, but a sudden series of murders linked to a mysterious animal apparently in the sand forces him to put the brakes on.  That's not enough to stop the crafty Mr. Green, though.  He's got all kinds of tricks and cheap, chauvinistic jokes to make the party go on!

 

I found myself not really in the mood to watch a serious horror movie, so I figured I'd pick the most ridiculous flick I could find.  This isn't the most ridiculous (there are some awful looking ones), but I picked it because it was one of the first I came across.  I don't think anyone really expects this to be a good movie, but I'm here to cast all doubt aside - this movie is TERRIBLE.  It attempts to be a Jaws meets Tremors rip-off, but it comes nowhere near succeeding.  Corin Nemec tries to be funny, but he's entirely laughable.  And Brooke Hogan (Hulk Hogan's daughter) has some great cleavage but is just dreadful.  The gore's no good; the story's crap; and the effects are poor, poor, poor.  I have no idea how a movie like this gets funding in an industry that is constantly tightening its purse strings, but it did.  And it was made.  And it sucks.  All that being said, though, this film does have a place in entertainment.  If you want to get a bunch of friends together, buy beer, and have some laughs at someone else's expense, this is the film to put on.  It's great for the bad-movie-watching night you might find yourself having with buddies. 

 

So, if you want to purposefully watch a bad movie so you and friends can have some hearty laughs, check out Sand Sharks.  It's awful, and you'll all be laughing your butt at just how awful it is.  If you don't believe me, check it out - it's on Netflix!
 

Hellraiser Watched - Whew!

I'm done! And thank Pinhead, er... Bradley, crap - God - it's over. I'm flicked the horror out. This was intense - I did a 9 film-length franchise film marathon in 5 days. It probably doesn't sound like much, but, with work, reviews, and drug intake (medicinal and otherwise) it was pretty intense. All that's beside the point, though - the main goal here is info!

So, check it out! Below I have all 9 Hellraiser films reviewed for your reading pleasure. I may not be spot on for some of them, but I was as honest as a man with the Lament Configuration image burned on his third eye could be...

And I have no idea why #5 won’t post in order with the rest, but, honestly, I gave up trying to make it work.  Damn, technology… where’s my cell?!

So, read this shiznit, and let me know if it sucks!!

Jaded Turk

Me, after Hellseeker

Hellraiser (1987) - #1

Hellraiser

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Really Liked It)

Netflix Synopsis:  A couple move into an old house and soon discover a hideous creature -- the husband's half-brother (and his wife"s former lover) -- hiding upstairs.

The Peeps:  Clive Barker (writer; director), Clare Higgins, Andrew Robinson, Ashley Lawrence

Quick Run Down: Very Imaginative, Awesome Effects and Make-Up, Tense and Atmospheric

Worth the Watch?:  Hell Yeah!

Hellraiser joins us with Julia (Clare Higgins) and her husband, Larry (Andrew Robinson), as they move into an old house belonging to Larry's family.  Frank, Larry's brother, had apparently been been "squatting" there, as his things are scattered everywhere, though he's nowhere to be found.  We find out that Frank is a pretty strange bird, really into the pushing the boundaries of pain and pleasure and often mixing the two, which is largely highlighted in the opening film of the scene, where Frank buys a strange little box (called the Lament Configuration) from a strange little Asian man and opens it to unleash God knows what to do Christ knows what.  Back to Larry and Julia, Julia had an intimate experience with Frank, and she's still hung up on it, often fantasizing about it while breathing heavy and softly rubbing her neck.  When blood is accidentally spilled in the top room of the house that Frank was apparently tortured in by the things he unleashed (they are unique human-like creatures called Cenobites), Frank emerges from the floorboards (literally) a mess of tendons and flesh and begs a shocked and appalled Julia to help him build his body again.  Blood needs to be spilled for this to be accomplished, and Julia, still reminiscing on the hot and steamy night she had with Frank, agrees, and BAM - we gotta ourselves a horror movie, Folks!

Hellraiser is the first of only three feature films from horror acclaimed novelist and filmmaker (among other things) Clive Barker. Based on his novella, The Hellbound Heart, Barker helms the pen and the camera on Hellraiser, and he does an awesome job. The film is immensely creative and has some great, great special effects and make-up.  I mean Stan Winston The Thing great.  The Cenobites are a particular pleasure to see because they are very uniquely thought of and incredibly grotesque.  Pinhead is the iconic face of Hellraiser and is probably one of the mostly widely recognized faces in horror.  I've never read The Hellbound Heart, but I'm sure even more Cenobites abound in the story and it would be really interesting to see how Barker describes them in his stories.  I've only read a few of his works, all short stories, but I know he has a very keen eye for capturing grotesque imagery.  What he does in his stories, though, Barker is pretty good at doing in this film, also.  The rise of Frank from the floorboards after his first taste of blood is AWESOME!  Hideously grotesque and sharply original, I think it would capture audience's interest on the big screen even today.  Couple that with the other awesome make-up and special effects in the film and Barker's surprisingly dynamic and tension creating camera work, and you've got a really good film in your midst.  The plot is interesting, but it's mostly just a vehicle for Barker to show off his creative chutzpah.  When the film was made, he was quickly climbing the ladder of success in writing with his innumerable fiction pieces and a few scripts, and, even though Hellraiser wasn't received well critically, it was a pretty big commercial success.  Still, Barker sold the rights to it after making the first one, moving back to fiction again.  He would later regret this, saying he had no idea a franchise would emerge from such a cult film.  Eight more films would follow the first Hellraiser, giving the series a total of 9 installments (all of which are on Netflix and all of which I will subsequently review!), and Dimension, the current owners of the rights, is planning a reboot soon.  That sounds intriguing as hell to me, as long as they keep the effects real and not CG.  There's a lot that could be done with a quality reboot of a film like this.  All that being said, I've only seen the original.  That'll change here soon, though!

Again, the story is mediocre, but the elements involved aren't.  In addition to the awesome make-up, the soundtrack is noteworthy.  Christopher Young put together some really good music.  Barker originally had the band Coil produce and perform music for the film, but the studio didn't like it.  So, Young was put to work.  As for the acting, Andrew Robinson's role is mostly perfunctory, until the end, and Clare Higgins has a very intense 'deep in thought' look that really gives her character the depth needed to sell the audience on her decisions.  Ashley Laurence, who plays Kirsty, Larry's daughter, is very attractive and a decent actress, but she really fails it at the end.  It may have just been her terrible dialogue, but she starts to give the film a very cheesy feel as it wraps up.  Still, the movie works really well, and it's a good watch.

So, if you wanna watch a horror film that focuses on the grotesque and macabre with some incredible special effects, awesome imagination, and pretty thorough tension, check out Hellraiser.  It's on Netflix*!

"No tears, please.  It's a waste of good suffering."

___

*Disclaimer: Netflix is TM and copyrighted; all rights reserved.  Any material used or stemming from the site is theirs, exclusively.  This site is not, in any way, affiliated with Netflix.  It's only a horror hound's effort to help consumers find the best (and worse) horror movies available on the website. Happy watching!

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988) - #2

Hellbound:  Hellraiser II

 

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Didn't Like It)



Netflix Synopsis:  The nightmares never end for a young woman -- memories of her father's skinned corpse, her uncle's reanimated body -- but the worst is yet to come.

The Peeps:  Tony Randal (director); Peter Atkins (writer); Kenneth Cranham, Ashley Laurence, Clare Higgins

Quick Run Down: Convoluted, Emotionless, Laughable

Worth the Watch?:  Skip It

Hellbound: Hellraiser II picks up exactly where Hellraiser leaves off.  Kirsty (Ashley Laurence reprising her role) is in a psychiatric ward, being questioned for the bodies found in her father's house.  Kirsty gives her Cenobite story, and people think she's nuts.  Her doctor, Dr. Channard (Kenneth Cranham), is not so quick to judge, though.  In fact, he knows she's telling the truth because he owns several of the boxes Kirsty is raving about, and he wants to experience this incredible venture of the pain, pleasure, and sadomasochistic creatures the box conjures .  So, he takes the proper measures and makes things happen using items left over from Kirsty's father's house.  This process summons Julia (Clare Higgins, once again), now in the same position we found Frank in in the original Hellraiser - returned from the pain dimension of the Cenobites, fleshless, and in need of victims to draw skin from.  Dr. Channard provides this, which gives Julia her skin, and, in return for his services, Julia provides Channard with the chance to finally visit the Cenobite dimension.  Meanwhile, Kirsty is visited by visions of her skinless father suffering in Hell, and she is determined to set him free.  In the room next to hers is a mute girl that is great at solving puzzles, so this girl is... I'll just stop there.

This installment in the Hellraiser franchise is the worst yet.  Granted, I've only see this and the first one (and the intention is to watch all nine of them), but, still, #2 just isn't very good.  The film was made in 1988, so it follows right on the heels of the original.  Despite this closeness, though, it starts off using footage from number one and pretty much recaps the entire first Hellraiser in the first 15 minutes.  The following scenes with Channard and his obsession with the box (or the strangely named Lament Configuration) and its abilities are good (mostly because there's a consistent story line and Channard does a good acting job) are lost because, once the box is used to open the other dimension, the film goes downhill.  Pretty soon, the script gets very convoluted, as you are following three different characters, and the directing style is mostly passionless, amateurish, and entirely devoid of emotion or tone.  Randal definitely doesn't have the grace or patience Barker did behind the camera in #1, and Atkins can't decide which character he wants to focus on.  On Atkins behalf, though, that last part is probably explainable - #2 was predicted to be the last film for Pinhead (Doug Bradley), as Julia (Higgins) was planned to become the new poster head for the franchise.  Higgins told the studio that she didn't want to be in any of the films to follow, though, so changes had to be made.  Regardless, the script remains unfocused, and it threads the story nearly too thin.  And, besides:

 VS. 

For a horror franchise?  Come on, guys!

The creature design in #2 pulls primarily from #1, and the new creatures to emerge are interesting but lack the ingenuity and sincerity the first one did.  The whole thing feels less sinister and more comic book-ish.  In fact, there is an early motif of fairy tales in the film, and I think that's the angle Randal was trying to work in the film.  Unfortunately, it fails because it leaves the film feeling glossy and silly.  I hate to say it, but there's one particular sequence that's just stupid and utterly out of place.  From about that point on, the flick becomes laughable.  Also, some animation-like effects are used for a creature in the film, and they just don't work.  They're choppy, almost stop-motion like, and appear very cheap.  They really do a disservice to the film.

There are a few scenes that are cool, but, as a whole, Hellbound:  Hellraiser II isn't worth the watch.  I'm about to tackle Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth, and, though I don't think it's going to necessarily be good, it'll be better than 2, which will leave this installment in the franchise mostly skippable.

So, if you wanna watch a poor sequel with weak, fairy tale imaginings, almost no emotion or tension, and nothing new to offer in regards to the Hellraiser story or idea, Hellbound: Hellraiser II is the film for you.  And you can check it out on Netflix!

"We have eternity to know your flesh."

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth (1992) - #3

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Liked It)

Netflix Synopsis:  When playboy club owner J.P. buys a mysterious-looking puzzle box and mistakes it for a work of art, he has no idea that Pinhead is trapped inside.

The Peeps:  Anthony Hickox (director); Peter Atkins (writer); Doug Bradley, Kevin Bernhardt, Terry Farrell

Quick Run Down:  Violent, B-rated, Ridiculous, Fun

Worth the Watch?:  Sure, why not?  I mean, it is #3...

Hellraiser III:  Hell On Earth follows reporter Joey Summerskill (Terry Farrell) as she struggles to find a story that will help jumpstart her career.  Finding nothing but duds, suddenly a young man badly bleeding with chains hanging off his body is brought into a hospital, and Joey's there to see him suddenly explode on the operating table.  Shizer!  This strange event urges Joey to search for answers, eventually leading her to JP Munroe - a wealthy, jerk club owner played by Kevin Bernhardt - and his ex-girlfriend, Terri (Paula Marshall), who was with the exploding young man at the hospital.  Joey asks questions about what happened at the hospital, and Terri finally pulls out the Lament Configuration (the Hellraiser box), saying the exploding hospital guy stole it off Munroe's painting, and then the thing came to life.  Meanwhile, JP has managed to get a little blood on the sculpture, which resurrects Pinhead.  He persuades Munroe to provide him with flesh and, in return, he'll give Munroe a 'right hand seat' in a Paradise of wicked pleasures.  Munroe accepts, and the ground is set for Pinhead to establish Hell on Earth,  With the box in her possession, Joey may be the only person that can stop him!

By this point, Barker's influence on Hellraiser is long gone.  He produced #2 and this flick, #3, but it's just to capitalize on his name.  There's no sign of him for miles of celluloid.  This inevitably means that tense, atmospheric psychological and imaginative horror has been traded in for B-rated and silly straight to DVD horror.  It's the natural trend of franchises, and, while Hellraiser III is often VERY silly and B-rated, if not, campy, it has some sequences that really work.  The story is often a stretch (weeding in a Vietnam war bit that's extremely random but manages to prove useful) and there are a lot of 'that's bullshit' and 'yeah, right!' moments, but at least the writer, Atkins, was able to work with someone more competent behind the camera this time.  But all that is beside the point.  We're on flick #3, right?  We're not really in it for story.  So, howsa 'bout the gore and horror?  There's a lot of gore, mostly mangled and ripped up bodies (esp. in a club scene full of carnage), a pretty good bit of blood, and a few minor tense moments, possibly even a good scare or two.  What really stands out, though, is Pinhead.  This is the first time we really get to see Pinhead (and, therefore, Doug Bradley) in action.  We finally get to see just how depraved and evil he really is, and it's fun.  Moreover, Doug Bradley is fun.  This story gives us a chance to see Pinhead and then who Pinhead USED to be - Captain Elliot Spencer.  So, it ultimately comes down to good Doug versus bad Doug!  Again, it's a lot of fun and cool to watch.  Bradley proves a much better actor than I would have imagined, and you can tell that he's loving the opportunity to finally chew up some scenery by his lonesome.  He has some good, dark dialogue too.

The creature additions are fun, all of which are tongue-in-cheek renditions of characters within the movie - a DJ becomes a CD throwing Cenobite; a camera man transforms into a Cenabite with a camera as half of his face.  Silly but entertaining.  There's really nothing else worth talking about except for one awful sequence following some random bimbo JP Munroe picks up at his club.  She's featured in the trailer, WHICH IS LINKED ABOVE (click on the title under the poster), and it makes you cringe just hearing her.  She is a dreadful, dreadful actress, to the point that it's embarrassing every time she talks, and you can't wait for her to die.  Fortunately, you get to see her mostly naked and then get skinned and eaten alive.  Thank God it doesn't take too long.

So, if you're in the mood for something violent, B-rated, and silly but fun, check out Hellrasier III: Hell On Earth.  It's not great by any stretch of the imagination, but it's not a bad watch for a random horror movie night.  Check it out - It's on Netflix!

"I'm here... to press the stinking face of humanity into the dark blood of its own secret heart!"

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996) - #4

Hellraiser: Bloodline

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Really Liked It)

Netflix Synopsis:  As Pinhead and his band of diabolical demons propagate evil on Earth, three generations of L'Merchants battle the legions of darkness.

The Peeps:  Alan Smithee (directors); Peter Atkins (writer); Doug Bradley, Bruce Ramsey, Valentina Vargas

Quick Run Down:  Dark, Violent, Gory, Suspenseful

Worth the Watch?:  Surprisingly, Yeah!

The Elysium Configuration

Hellrasier: Bloodline is set in 2127 on the Space Station Minos.  Paul Merchant (Bruce Ramsey) is using a robot to unlock the notorious Lament Configuration, attempting to release the Cenobites it holds and destroy them via the station, which Merchant specifically designed for the task.  Just as he is about to complete his mission, though, some soldiers pop in and arrest him.  Come to find out, Merchant has sent all of his crew away and has stopped responding to radio calls.  He has holed up in the space station setting everything in place to kill off Pinhead and his friends.  Upon questioning, Merchant tells of his mission and how his ancestors are responsible for the box and, indirectly, its malevolent powers.  This inspires the film to flashback to the 18th century, recalling the story of Paul's ancestor, toymaker Phillip L'Merchant, and how he was commissioned by a notorious black magician to construct the box.  This bit of the story unfolds with its own little twist, but the key point is that the Merchant bloodline (there's our title!) is cursed with the responsibility of knowing it created the box.  Phillip creates a design for something to counter the evil of the Lament Configuration - called the Elysium Configuration - but he dies before he can complete it.  Fast forward to 1996 (current day for the making of the film; a flashback for the film's time span), and we have another Merchant that has created a huge building that resembles the Lament configuration (the building showcased at the end of Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth).  Now, Pinhead is looking to make this huge ass Lament Configuration the gateway to hell, and he needs Merchant to open it up for him.  Once this story wraps up, we jump back to 2127 and find Pinhead with his Cenobite compatriots lose and taking out the army crew one by one.  Paul Merchant still has his plan in mind, but can he get the soldiers on his side in enough time to kill Pinhead once and for all?  Duh, duh, duh DUH!

The above description probably sounds confusing as hell, but this fourth installment of Hellraiser is actually pretty straightforward and easy to follow.  There's a female character, Angelique, that supposedly plays an important role in terms of the origins of the box, etc., but, honestly, she's just a red herring.  An opportunity to spruce up the sinister and sexy nature of the Cenobites and that 'other realm'.  The story still eventually finds its center in Pinhead.  Being set in space, there's an impulse to roll your eyes as the film begins.  Afterall, Leprechaun, Critters, and the Friday the 13th franchise (Jason X) all have (bad) installments set in space.  Bloodline, though, works really well.  I think the reason for this lies in Alan Smithee.  Smithee finally comes into the franchise and inserts some vitality and seriousness without being melodramatic or silly.  There's some really good cinematography going on, the acting is good (Ramsey plays the lead Merchant character in all the time periods in the film), and the 1996 flashback scene is really well written by Atkins and enhanced even more by Smithee's deft directing.  There's an actual sense of danger throughout the sequence, and it's probably the best the franchise has to offer after #1 and up until this one, #4.  Also, the theme of fairy tale is still continued in this installment.  Barker did not start the film off with this conceit in mind, but Smithee manages to include it but also (finally) grasp the dark quality of the motif which allows him to steer the film in its more sinister, original atmosphere.  It's the good vs. bad theme but handled in a substantive, rather than silly or campy, way.

This installment has some good gore, and, though it may be the same amount as the others, its presented in a much darker and meaner style.  So, it stands out more than the gore in the previous films.  Also, there's a Cenobite addition involving twins that's pretty damn entertaining, before AND after the transformation, and it makes for a cool horror movie moment.  Plus, it brings a whole new dimension to the idea of sibling sharing.  Lastlly, a few quick side notes about the film, this would be the last Hellraiser that Barker would be involved in.  He declined any part in the remaining five films.  This was probably a good call, as this would also be the last installment to make it into theaters.  The remaining films are straight to DVD or VOD pics that follow no real bearing to one another.  Looks like my next five films are gonna be interesting...

So, if you wanna watch a dark, gory, violent, and often suspenseful horror film, Hellraiser: Bloodline is the way to go.  For #4, it's a surprisingly good watch and satisfies most of the horror cravings we horror hounds look for in such flicks.  So, if you get a chance, check it out.  It's on Netflix!

   

"Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?"

Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002) - #6

Hellraiser: Hellseeker

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Didn't Like It)

 

Netflix Synopsis:  After he crashes their car in a river, Trevor's wife's body is never found and he becomes a suspect; meanwhile, he suffers from scary hallucinations.

The Peeps:  Rick Bota (director); Carl Dupre and Tim Day (writers); Dean "Mayhem Like Me" Winters, Ashley Laurence

Quick Run Down:  Choppy and Uneven, Dull, Repetitive

Worth the Watch?:  Not Really

Hellraiser: Hellseeker follows the lackadaisical Trevor (Dean Winters) after he and his wife, Kirsty (Ashley Laurence), have a car accident.  Kirsty is presumed dead - Trevor watched her die, unable to get her from the car as it sank into a river, but, now that Trevor's up and running after the accident, he's told that her body was never found.  And to add crap to the pile, Trevor's suddenly a suspect.  OMG!  Trevor's life suddenly becomes very strange.  Women he appears to vaguely remember suddenly begin kissing and coming on to him at random.  He's getting flashbacks of strange things that he's done and seen.  He begins having very vivid and elaborate hallucinations, coupled with crippling headaches, that make reality and make-believe almost indiscernible.  As a case builds AGAINST Trevor - certain evidence is surfacing suggesting that Kirsty's disappearance was a homicide - Trevor is finally brought in for apparent justice, only to find himself face to face with the Truth - served by Pinhead!

Some people might find this flick to be a good horror movie.  It has medium gore, two 'horrific' scenes, a little torture and nudity, minor tension, and a mediocre, though very uneven and choppy, story line.  Still, my gut tells me that it's just not a good movie.  The idea is there, namely, once everything becomes clear in the end, but the whole thing feels weak and dull (and, ultimately, mild for a horror film).  The opening is anticipatory and claustrophobic, and the mystery that shortly follows holds for the first 15 or so minutes of the film.  After that, we get a feel for the character, and that's when the film begins to lose its intrigue.  Maybe it's the constant smash cutting, the terrible acting, or the constant sex appeal in the film - I don't know, but, personally, I think this installment in the Hellraiser franchise is an amateur's attempt to recapture and recast the same theme and emotion so well captured in its predecessor, Hellrasier: Inferno.  Foregoing the original story line of the franchise, Hellraiser: Inferno works a very different angle for the horror series, and it proves to be a good, enjoyable horror movie, if not just movie.  Following in its footsteps, though, Hellraiser: Hellseeker lacks the emotion of it older brethren.  It feels like a bunch of young males put it together, leaving all sense of sincerity behind for sake of supposed ingenuity, cleverness, and several half naked women.  Even Doug Bradley (Pinhead) feels and sounds uninspired.  Then again, Bradley's performance could also be a result of playing across from the awful Dean Winters.  You'll probably recognize him as the All State Insurance 'Mayhem' guy, and that's him.  He's great in those commercials, but, in this flick, he's bad.  There seems to be a constant smirk on his face; he languidly moves about the frame regardless of the situation; and he looks like a creep.  Occasionally, you'll see a spark of good acting coming on, and I bet Bota damn near peed his directing britches when it happened.  But it never lasts very long, and that same expression is gone as soon as it shows.  He just doesn't handle the character well enough to give the film that extra thing it needs to stop it from being a dull movie.

Ashley Laurence reprises her role as Kirsty from the first two Hellraiser films, and she does a good job. However, her reason for being in the film will be lost on audiences that have not seen the first one, which is unfortunate because it's probably the best part of the movie.




There's not a lot of blood or gore in the film, and, when one does crop up, it's usually boring.  There are three scenes that I'm sure were designed to really freak people out, but one is used twice and the other would be entirely laughable if it weren't for the dialogue.  The film looks really good, but I've noticed that, once you get into the 2000's, it's not difficult to make a bad movie look good anymore. 


So, if you wanna watch a movie that's choppy, amateurish, dull, and does the same thing over and over again, check out Hellraiser: Hellseeker.  I don't think you'll regret it, but I don't think you'll give a shit once it's over, either.  Regardless, if you wanna give it watch, go for it.  It's on Netflix!

"Now, it's time to pay the price!"

 

Hellraiser: Deader (2005) - #7

Hellraiser: Deader -
Sorry for the poor quality

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Liked It)

Netflix Synopsis:  Hard-nose London journalist Amy Klein travels to Romania to research a mysterious suicide cult that can bring people back to life. Before long, she's pulled into the secret society, and the only way out is to join them for their next event.

The Peeps:  Rick Bota (director); Neal Marshall Stevens and Tim Day (writers); Kari Wuhrer, Paul Rhys, Doug Bradley

Quick Run Down:  Confusing Story but Good Horror Movie with Gore and Nudity

Worth the Watch?:  If You Can Make It Through The First 30 Minutes, Yeah!

Hellraiser: Deader follows Amy Klein (Kari Wuhrer), a hands on investigative journalist that is given an assignment based on a mysterious videotape that she watches.  The tape shows a woman killing herself, and then a man resurrecting her.  Apparently, this is a common process with a cult group in Bucharest called Deaders.  They commit suicide, and their fearless leader, Winter Lemerchand (Paul Rhys), resurrects them.  Amy is sent to write a story about it, and off she ventures, well paid and looking cute in pig tails.  Amy goes to the return address of the video tape and, of course, stumbles upon the notorious Hellraiser box, the Lament Configuration.  That evening she opens it, and, as 6 previous films have shown us, you don't do that!  Quite frankly, from this point on, Amy's life goes to shit as her grip on reality becomes looser and looser, until she can't even tell if she's alive or dead.  There's a lot of other stuff going on, too, but it's really not worth going into.

If you can ignore the story of this 7th installment of the Hellraiser franchise, it turns out to be a pretty kick ass horror movie.  There are a few decent, if not good, scares, a lot of gore, including a scene of carnage, and a lot of nudity.  In my humble opinion, for a horror movie, if you're not going to go for atmosphere, then you have to take the blood route, and Hellraiser VII does that.  The first 30 to 45 minutes is full of story that is just too confusing to keep up with, but, if you can get past that, around the 45 minute mark, there's a really cool scene in a bathroom that jump starts the film and gets it moving until the close.  (A character in a closely following scene tells Amy, "You're trying to hard... Forget about reality, Just sit back and enjoy the ride."  I think that's a director's nod to the audience, actually.)  There are a few slow points in that last bit, but the way-too-in-depth story takes a back step and you finally get into some madness and murder.  Interestingly enough, the screenplay for the film was just a horror spec written by Stevens, but Dimension wanted to use it as another Hellraiser installment.  So, they brought in Tim Day to work in the box and Pinhead and make the movie fit the bill.  These elements do sometimes feel tacked on, but they fit in where they need to.  Also, considering how little the last two films include Pinhead and the box, the sparsity of their presence on screen in Deader isn't that unusual.  Speaking of previous films, this film doesn't follow the angle of Hellseeker or Inferno.  It's a film all to itself, despite it being directed by Bota, who did Hellseeker also.  Deader plays as sort of a middle ground between the original premise of the franchise and the 5th and 6th films' premise.

Alternative Poster/DVD Cover

Okay - bear with me for a paragraph.  The reason I say the story of this film should be avoided is because it's WAY too complex.  A lot of the things that are sought after in making the story whole look back to all of the films of the series, and it creates a gap in the understanding of what's going on.  Since I've been watching the series straight through, though, I think this film is the most thorough explanation of Pinhead's objective and the Lament Configuration's purpose.  There are still questions the film leaves - and possibly plot holes, but, again, this is the only film in the franchise to really get into the epistemology (if you will) of the series' elements.  Does it really matter, though?  Not a bit.  I'm more than willing to see more details explained, but I'm about to watch film 8.  At this point, just give me arterial spray, dark dialogue, and awesome screams.  Alright - thanks for that; back to the important stuff.

I don't think I recognized any new Cenobites this time around, and, like I've mentioned, there's a lot of gore, murder, and nudity in this flick.  Most of it occurs in the last 45 minutes of the film, and, if I could make a suggestion, I'd start the movie about there.  The first part really isn't important if you're not into the Hellraiser films.  There are a couple of good scares in the beginning, so you may not want to miss that.  Still, it's nothing you haven't seen before.  They obviously saved the best for last in this one.



So, if you wanna watch a movie that has a confusing as hell story but good gore and lots of nudity, check out Hellraiser: Deader.  The first half hour is tedious, but the gears start grinding once you get into the second half.  Check it out - it's on Netflix!

 

"Fear is the place we go to learn."

 

Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005) - #8

Hellraiser: Hellworld

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

(Liked It)

Netflix Synopsis:  In this eighth installment of Clive Barker's film franchise, a group of Internet enthusiasts get sucked into a video game and soon score an invite to an exclusive and mysterious gathering, where the lines between cyberlife and reality are blurred. But when the soiree starts, the computer whizzes realize their host is none other than the maniacal Pinhead (Doug Bradley). And unfortunately for them, he knows how to throw a killer party.

The Peeps:  Rick Bota (director); Carl Dupre (writer); Lance Henrikson, Katheryn Winnick, Doug Bradley 

Quick Run Down:  Blood, Gore, Nudity & Sex, NO Story, Just Another Hellraiser Flick

Worth the Watch?:  Eh... If You've Got Nothing Better To Do

Hellraiser: Hellworld opens with 5 kids attending the funeral of their friend that apparently killed himself due to some deep involvemnt in 'Hellworld' - an online game the 6 kids were involved in.  Cut to two years later, and the friends have decided to get back into the game and attend a 'Hellworld' themed party that is by invite only.  When they arrive at the house, they are greeted by the Host (Lance ****ing! Henrikson) and given the opportunity to see some weird and creepy stuff.  Everything appears fake, at first, but then real shiznit starts to go down.  And it's all orchestrated by the maestro himself - Pinhead!

Bota bing!

Rick Bota, the director of the number 6, 7, and 8 installments of the Hellraiser franchise cannot tell a story, or maybe it's that he can't tell a story AND come through on the horror goods - blood, gore, kills, etc.  Either way, his efforts in the Pinhead horror series seriously lack in story, but they do hold up in terms of the genre elements.  In fact, in 6 there were some, in 7 there were more (once the story finally got out of the way!), and, in this film, #8, there's even more.  And though I felt like there was no story in this film AT ALL, I did like the movie.  It works on a strictly blood, gore, and sex level.  There are a few tense sequences, but they are usually over pretty quickly, allowing you to wait patiently for the next sequence to arrive as there is nothing going on in between them.  After that sequence is over, rinse and repeat.  All of this leads me to say, this isn't a bad installment in the horror franchise, but it does nothing new or original.  Should I be expecting more?  No, but I can't help it to hope.  It's the horror hound curse - watch the same old killer character movie hoping, just HOPING, this film finally grabs at what made the franchise worth making in the first place.  It's a vicious world we live in...

So, if you wanna check out just another Hellraiser movie, this is probably the one to go for.  There's no story, but there's plenty of blood, gore, and nudity/sex.  If that's what you're looking for, check the flick out - it's on Netflix!

 

I don't recall anything worth quoting.